Saying goodbye to my safe haven.

Last night, I had the incredible honor of dropping off more than 75 toys that The Junior League of Norfolk-Virginia Beach (JLNVB)  had collected for the Pediatric Ward of Naval Medical Center Portsmouth (NMCP). Ten volunteers from the league helped wrapped all of them plus another 75 or so, for the nurses to surprise the children who will unfortunately have to wake up in the hospital on Christmas morning.

After the excitement settled, my friends all headed home but I had to pick up a medicine refill so I went to the pharmacy. Sitting alone, I was looking at the pictures we took and the gravity of the situation hit me like a brick wall. I couldn't help but start crying right there in the middle of the waiting room.

I have been a patient of the CF Clinic at NMCP since I was six years old and was admitted to the that very pediatric ward more than 20 times in the last decade before transitioning to the adult ward. While I never had to spend Christmas in the hospital, some of the absolute worst days of my life have happened in that building.

Dear Mom, thanks for... well, everything.

Mom,

Not long ago, I sat on my bedroom floor, hysterically crying. Everything was piling up and I honestly had no idea how I would get through the next few days... I was signed up to participate in an online virtual conference for adults with cystic fibrosis, called BreatheCon. I was suppose to go on a practice hike to train for my upcoming Xtreme Hike. And finally, I had my first follow up appointment with the transplant team at Duke University. Throw in a long work week, boy drama and the stress of being the lead planner on a volunteer event happening while I was out of town, I was done. I was past my breaking point. I felt overwhelmed and defeated. I didn't want to do any of it. I didn't want to attend BreatheCon, I didn't want to hike, I didn't want to go to Duke. I only wanted to crawl into bed and cry.

 
Yet, somehow, less than an hour later, I was logged into BreatheCon listening to one of the most inspiring panel discussions I've ever heard. 15 hours after that, I hiked 8 miles and was standing on top of a mountain. Another 48 hours later, I was walking out of my transplant appointment, feeling genuinely optimistic and motivated to keep pushing through the adversity that is living with cystic fibrosis.

It didn't just happen "somehow" though. It all happened because of you. Everything that's happened in the last 25 years, everything I've been able to do, is because of you.

I often get praised for being strong, resilient and accomplished despite my cystic fibrosis, but I didn't become any of those things by chance. I had the most incredible role model to show me how. Last weekend was a challenge and I got through it, but not by myself. I got through it, because of you.

So thank you, Mom. Thank you for everything. 

Ten years later.

Ten years ago today, I was admitted to the hospital. I was 15 years old and prior to that day, I had only been admitted to the hospital three times in my life. For someone with cystic fibrosis, this was actually pretty impressive. Growing up, I knew that I had CF but admittedly, I didn't know what it meant to be "sick."

I did my breathing treatments, took enzymes and vitamins and the occasional round of oral antibiotics. I had doctors appointments every few months. But between the fact that I was still very much a child and naive about my illness, my "doctor Mom" doing everything she could to keep me healthy and what I can only choke up to being "lucky," I hadn't yet experienced the harsh reality that many with cystic fibrosis face. Honestly, as a child, I barely remember even having CF. When I walked into the Pediatric Ward that Monday, I had no idea I was about to hit a breaking point. That Monday was a catalyst in my healthcare journey because for the first time in my life, I began to understand what cystic fibrosis really was. In some ways, I actually consider it to be my "first" admission because the illness I knew before was nothing compared to what I've known since.

I spent 23 days in the hospital that April. During which, I was diagnosed with CF related diabetes and a mycobacterium abscesses lung infection. I was started on insulin therapy and learned to give myself a shot with every meal. I also had a central line permanently placed in my chest, which I used for IV antibiotics, 3-4 times a day, every day, for the next 3.5 years. In a matter of days, everything I knew about my life changed.

UPDATE: I'm a big kid now.

Or something like that.

Per usual, it's been forever and a day since I updated this thing so here's the run down....

On May 8th, 2015, I received my Bachelor of Science from Old Dominion University. I graduated Summa Cum Laude with a major in Communications and double minors in Graphic Design and Public Service.

On May 13th, I interviewed and was hired for my first, full-time job as a Marketing and Social Media Intern with the Hampton Roads Economic Development Alliance, which I started on June 8th.

And finally, on June 22nd, I purchased my first pair of Christian Louboutin Heels. Which is, of course, the ultimate tell that I am finally a real grown up... Kidding. But really.

In all seriousness though, it's been a busy six months since I last blogged. My last semester of college was one for the record books. A few highlights included but are not limited to...

• Getting to spend a week in Honolulu and a week in Colorado Springs for Christmas break, then a week in Portland, Oregon for spring break
• Having my last semester schedule consist of just one, once a week night plus two online electives
• Receiving an academic scholarship from the Boomer Esiason Foundation and later being interviewed and featured on their website and having my graduation photo on their national Facebook profile
• Serving as Membership Vice President for my sorority and having the chance to mentor and welcome ten of the sweetest young ladies into our chapter, including my absolutely perfect and adorable little
• Being hired as Director of Public Relations for ODU's Student Government Association and getting to be involved with my university on a level I never knew existed, and in turn, meeting and creating friendships with some of the most driven young adults on our campus
• Standing next to my best friend on her wedding day and then making basically the entire room cry, myself included, when I gave my awesome maid of honor speech
• Getting to attend a 1500 person fundraiser as part of my internship, an event that I'd be helping plan since August
• Applying for and being selected as a finalist for the Kaufman Award, one of the most prestigious awards given by ODU to graduating seniors that demonstrated exemplary service and leadership
• Being selected as the Outstanding Student of 2015 for my major by the dean of the College of Arts & Letters
• Having all of my siblings be able to attend my graduation, the first time all six of us were in the same place since 2012

All in all, I'd say I pretty much had it made. It was definitely the best, and fastest, 16 weeks of my life. I am incredibly thankful for all the opportunities I've had so far this year. And for all the love and support that made it possible. I feel like I'm on top of the world right now and so very excited to start this next chapter of my life, as a real grown up.

Understandably so, I've been thinking about that phrase a lot lately and what exactly it means. Wondering at what point in our lives do we just snap our fingers and say "whoomp, there it is...I'm an adult now!" I've joked a lot lately about "having to be a grown up" and mostly, it's just that, joking. But there's also a hint of truth because for me, graduating college is definitely a turning point. A catalyst, shall we say, to all that is to come.